If One Could Time Travel

So I've been thinking about my life lately; where I'm at, and where I wish to be. I'm 30...no shame in telling it. In fact, I'm proud to be 30. The thing is, I'm still not married, I have no kids, and my career - what's a career - is non-existent. (I guess without a career or a husband, it's kind of a good thing I don't have kids yet.) But reality is setting in: almost everyone I know is married with kids, and I'm the one loner, off in the corner somewhere, watching life pass me by. I feel like a wall flower, afraid to get up and dance. Only, I'm not afarid. I just haven't heard a tune worthy of taking to the floor for. Which kind of makes me wonder if I've sat in a daze just out of range of the music, and missed my song, or if life's DJ needs to be replaced. Either way, I'm tired of my situation.

I'm in love with a wonderful man. I'd give anything, any possession I own - or ever will own, to become his wife. So what's the hang up? Life! That's right, life itself is the hang up. Marcelo and I live in two differing countries now, with two differing backgrounds, two differing lifestyles, two differing...are we too different to make it work? The way in which we communicate differes too. We can't seem to openly talk to one another and ever just "get it." He feels I don't understand him, and I feel he's not listening to me. Oh, he hears me, but he's not listening. Everything I say passes through some distorted vortex of negativity. I can praise him, and he still only hears me chewing him out. I'm sure it's my own fault to a degree. We started out rocky - what relationship that finds its begun just in time to turn long-distance, doesn't go through a rocky slope? Yet we've managed to weather the storm by the grace of G0d. And it is this grace that lets me know he's the one for me. If G0d had not set things up for us, we never would have even met. Now this same World Creator is credited not only as the foundation from which we build upon, but the very nail, glue, and sealant that holds us together. So why can't we get it together?

One might ask, "What does this have to do with time travel?" Oh, plenty. If I could travel in time, either forward or backward, my purpose for doing so would be for this man! If I could travel back, into my past, there would be many people I would love to see. I would love to sit and visit with my grandfather(s) - one I never met, and one who passed away over 20 years ago. I would meet an uncle - my mother's older brother - who passed away some years before I was born. I would visit with old friends, and enjoy reliving childhood memories. But above all, I would take in each moment I've spent with Marcelo, catalog every word, chronicle each time he left me breathless. He's precious to me; literally my golden moment. If I could go back in time, I would save everything of him I so value, and erase every unkind word ever spoken toward him. Life is too short to live it so far away from him. I need him in my life, and I would make sure he understood that most of all.

If I could travel forward in time, my purpose would be for this man! It's not so much that I need to know the outcome of life. I simply want to know how to prolong our lives together; elongate health and happiness for us both. (Don't we all wish we could do that for the ones we love?) If I could travel forward in time, I would discover all our pitfalls, great and small, and devise a plan to best avoid them. (Think of all the trouble I could save us from.) But in the end, when it's my time to go, I can only hope I leave this world with him. After all, if he lives to be 120, I'll tell G0d 114 is old enough for me. Why would I want to live a day without him in my life?